chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
