Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
