i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
