I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
