just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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