Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
that is very illegal...i love you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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