i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
