i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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