I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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