I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
