BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
