Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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