i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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