Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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