Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
