No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
