I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
