repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
