Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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