I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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