did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
