If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
