I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
