He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
