have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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