He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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