Say something about gay babies.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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