yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
