Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
