It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My dick has a subreddit
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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