we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
