If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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