she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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