drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
