..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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