I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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