Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
