so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
