FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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