got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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