shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
