I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
