You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
