so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
