porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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