She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i believe in u and ur pee
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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