Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pants are for mortals
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
