My nipple is on Facebook.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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