I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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