I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
