Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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