Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
