She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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