I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
