I hope mine doesn't look like that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
