That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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