I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
