You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
